11.26.2008
Tur-kay
Happy Tur-kay Day, all you pilgrims!!
Enjoy your Stoffer's stovetop stuffing and hormone-swelled poultry, and try not to think of starving, diseased American Indians while you're stuffing your faces.
11.24.2008
Garrison Keillor: Sitting on Top of the World
By Garrison Keillor
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Be happy, dear hearts, and allow yourselves a few more weeks of quiet exultation.
It isn't gloating, it's satisfaction at a job well done. He was a superb candidate, serious, professorial but with a flashing grin and a buoyancy that comes from working out in the gym every morning.
He spoke in a genuine voice, not senatorial at all. He relished campaigning. He accepted adulation gracefully. He brandished his sword against his opponents without mocking or belittling them. He was elegant, unaffected, utterly American, and now (Wow) suddenly America is cool. Chicago is cool.
Chicago !!!
We threw the dice and we won the jackpot and elected a black guy with a Harvard degree, the middle name Hussein and a sense of humor - he said, "I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac, and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher."
The French junior minister for human rights said, "On this morning, we all want to be American so we can take a bite of this dream unfolding before our eyes." When was the last time you heard someone from France say they wanted to be American and take a bite of something of ours? Ponder that for a moment.
The world expects us to elect pompous yahoos and instead we have us a 47-year-old prince from the prairie who cheerfully ran the race, and when his opponents threw sand at him, he just smiled back.
He'll be the first president in history to look really good making a jump shot. He loves his classy wife and his sweet little daughters. He looks good in the kitchen. He can cook Indian or Chinese but for his girls he will do mac and cheese. At the same time, he knows pop music, American lit and constitutional law.
I just can't imagine anybody cooler. Look at a photo of the latest pooh-bah conference - the hausfrau Merkel, the big glum Scotsman, that goofball Berlusconi, Putin with his B-movie bad-boy scowl, and Sarkozy, who looks like a district manager for Avis - you put Barack in that bunch and he will shine.
It feels good to be cool and all of us can share in that, even sour old right-wingers and embittered blottoheads. Next time you fly to Heathrow and hand your passport to the man with the badge, he's going to see " United States of America " and look up and grin.
Even if you worship in the church of Fox , everyone you meet overseas is going to ask you about Obama and you may as well say you voted for him because, my friends, he is your line of credit over there. No need anymore to try to look Canadian.
And the coolest thing about him is the fact that back in the early Nineties, given a book contract after the hoo-ha about his becoming the First Black Editor of The Harvard Law Review, instead of writing the basic exploitation book he could've written, he put his head down and worked hard for a few years and wrote a good book, an honest one, which, since his rise in politics, has earned the Obamas enough to buy a very nice house and put money in the bank. A successful American entrepreneur.
The last American president to write a book all by his lonesome self, I believe, was Theodore Roosevelt, who, on graduation from Harvard, wrote "The Naval War of 1812," and in my humble opinion, Obama's is the better book for the general reader, but you be the judge.
Our hero who galloped to victory has inherited a gigantic mess. The country is sunk in debt. The Treasury announced it must borrow $550 billion to get the government through the fourth quarter, more than the entire deficit for 2008, so he will have to raise taxes and not only on bankers and lumber barons.
His promise never to raise the retirement age is not a good idea. Whatever he promised the Iowa farmers about subsidizing ethanol is best forgotten at this point. We may not be getting our National Health Service cards anytime soon. And so on and so on.
So enjoy the afterglow of the election awhile longer. We all walk taller this fall.
People in Copenhagen and Stockholm are sending congratulatory e-mails - imagine! We are being admired by Danes and Swedes! And Chicago becomes The First City. Step aside, San Francisco . Shut up, New York . The Midwest is cool now. The mind reels. Have a good day.
11.23.2008
Gaboons for Everyone
Today T.S. and I make a trip to the Santa Fe Community College Teaching Zoo--the last leg of T's octopussian birthday-present creature. He likes animals, so I promised a zoo visit.
Though the zoo is small, as are most of the animals, one can only hope that there is at least one species of feces-hurling primate on the premises, since that seems to be the highlight of every zoo-trip story I hear.
11.22.2008
Two Poems to be Published
Two of Dixie's poems were recently accepted for publication.
"E.M. Forster Eats Conch in Key West, 1909" - forthcoming in Winter 2009 issue of Main Channel Voices
"How to Get Across the Room" - forthcoming in Spring 2009 issue of RHINO
"E.M. Forster Eats Conch in Key West, 1909" - forthcoming in Winter 2009 issue of Main Channel Voices
"How to Get Across the Room" - forthcoming in Spring 2009 issue of RHINO
11.21.2008
11.20.2008
11.19.2008
Transcript of 911 Call
I don’t know what...something is happening...to me...right now...I don’t know what...is going on...I can hardly explain...things are just...growing...on the...out of my mouth...and I am not calling...and this is no joke...I need...the ambulance...I need to go to the hospital...’cause things are just growing...out of my mouth...
Okay, let me connect you with the ambulance...
Ambulance?
Uh, yes...I don’t know what...is going on, but something is growing...things are just growing in my mouth.
Things are growing in your mouth?
Yes, I don’t know what...is going on. I was in the bed and now things are growing in my mouth.
Things are growing in your mouth.
Yes.
What kinds of things are growing in your mouth?
I don’t know what they are, I can’t see them.
Can you feel them?
Well yes, I feel them in my mouth but I don’t know what they are.
What do they feel like? Do they feel like trees? Or limbs? Or what?
Like circles.
Like circles?
Like little balls or something. I don’t what they are.
Have you looked in the mirror?
I’m afraid to.
Okay, let me connect you with the ambulance...
Ambulance?
Uh, yes...I don’t know what...is going on, but something is growing...things are just growing in my mouth.
Things are growing in your mouth?
Yes, I don’t know what...is going on. I was in the bed and now things are growing in my mouth.
Things are growing in your mouth.
Yes.
What kinds of things are growing in your mouth?
I don’t know what they are, I can’t see them.
Can you feel them?
Well yes, I feel them in my mouth but I don’t know what they are.
What do they feel like? Do they feel like trees? Or limbs? Or what?
Like circles.
Like circles?
Like little balls or something. I don’t what they are.
Have you looked in the mirror?
I’m afraid to.
11.18.2008
Dixie & Janie
Dixie Starr's lovely Kansan friend, once compared by a cowboy at The Round Bar to Hilary Swank (though Janie's infinitely prettier), paid a surprise visit to Gainesville yesterday. The two old friends enjoyed a delicious Dragonfly lunch, some Starbucks coffee, and an afternoon jaunt to Alachua Sink to look at gators.
Now it's back to dreary Kansas for Janie...but hopefully she'll soon be moving to North Florida and will get lots more afternoons and evenings with her old pal!
Now it's back to dreary Kansas for Janie...but hopefully she'll soon be moving to North Florida and will get lots more afternoons and evenings with her old pal!
Real People. Real Trouble.
Click here to listen to real citizens' dramatic 911 calls. I particularly recommend Joe vs. the Deer at the bottom of page 2.
Christmas Camping
It's official! Dr. Gonzo and I will be meeting in South Florida (reunited at last, after 3 1/2 years--the longest separation in our lifelong acquaintance) for Christmas this year. We will camp two days in a State Park near Miami, then head out into the deep wilderness of the Everglades for another two days and nights--on Florida Bay. Hooray!
11.17.2008
11.16.2008
QUOTE OF THE DAY
The sane have a balanced portfolio of interests, the insane have given themselves to imprudent investments--to high-risk, low-yield ventures.
-Padgett Powell, "All Along the Watchtower"
-Padgett Powell, "All Along the Watchtower"
MFA Survival Guide
Appropriated from an undergraduate's manual, "How to Play Ultimate Frisbee," Technical Writing class, Spring 2006.
1. Always keep an eye on your defender but also maintain awareness of the game.
2. Never turn your back on an opponent.
3. Maintain a safe distance from other players.
4. Push yourself to stay with your opponent.
5. Think positive. As the disc comes to you, visualize yourself catching it. Feel confident.
6. Players on a team are responsible for calling their own fouls.
1. Always keep an eye on your defender but also maintain awareness of the game.
2. Never turn your back on an opponent.
3. Maintain a safe distance from other players.
4. Push yourself to stay with your opponent.
5. Think positive. As the disc comes to you, visualize yourself catching it. Feel confident.
6. Players on a team are responsible for calling their own fouls.
Neeeeew Speeeeaaaakers
My new iPod dock and speakers finally arrived! After my old dock melted one iPod and nearly caused a fire with its defective battery, Logitech agreed to send me a replacement/upgrade. It only took a month and a half of waiting and five calls to Phoenix to procure the said upgrade, shown below, which came last week. It was worth the wait, though. The sound is better, and the remote includes an option to choose different playlists and artists, which the old one did not. Tres fancy!
11.15.2008
Boy's Birthday on Earth, November 2008
Our favored spot for buffet birthday dinners, Blue Water Bay in Melrose. Excellent seafood.
Try the land crab.
Mmm! Buffet!
Yahummmmmy!!
After a death-defying drive back to Gainesville in the pitch dark (except for the oncoming stream of work-leaving traffic), we opened presents at my apartment.
The Fernando Pessoa coffee pot--a poet's dream.
Unwrapping many goodies.
A Tale of Two Todds
After a hard evening's dining, Todd kicked back like any good Ivy Leaguer, with his Alma Mater mug and a little Auden.
Try the land crab.
Mmm! Buffet!
Yahummmmmy!!
After a death-defying drive back to Gainesville in the pitch dark (except for the oncoming stream of work-leaving traffic), we opened presents at my apartment.
The Fernando Pessoa coffee pot--a poet's dream.
Unwrapping many goodies.
A Tale of Two Todds
After a hard evening's dining, Todd kicked back like any good Ivy Leaguer, with his Alma Mater mug and a little Auden.
Quantum of Hotness
Daniel Craig (the best James Bond EVER in Casino Royale, 2006) is back in Quantum of Solace, out in theaters now. We can only pray he appears in a sky-blue Speedo again--preferably in some of the fight scenes.
11.14.2008
Perseus, You Make Me Tingle With Your Knowledge of Anime and Philosophy
Attention, ladies! This Cragslist poster has very specific criteria for the "love of his life ideally," but go check it out: This opportunity is too good to pass up.
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