This is a story about a man named Klaust Klumthaler. Many found him terrifying to look at.
His favorite food was the corn-and-peas Jell-O mould, avec scallions on the side.
Though he lusted after a local dancer, appropriately named "Witchie,"
he finally settled on a more sensible match and married Lulu Bigglesburne, aka "Cheffie," a talented Jell-O chef at the town's famous Hotel de Unibrow.
They had three old-timey children,
Joost, Nils, and Pieter, and Klaust became the author of a best-selling children's book, inspired, in part, by lessons taught to his own boys, entitled "Polite Moments."
Sadly, the quintet's idyllic happiness was not to last, for Klaust was at heart a rover. Soon after falling passionately in love with sportswear model Jeffrine "Peaches" de Rammasseur,
he found himself abandoning his studies of politeness for a near-obsession with the bivalve, about which he planned to write a twelve-book opus.
In a desperate effort to save her family (and her husband's sanity!), Lulu spent the last of her late father's dowry gift on an Iraqi bus, on which she planned to take her crumbling family on a multi-continent tour.
But Jeffrine was in hot pursuit...
Tune in next week for another exciting installment of life on the road with the Klumthalers!